Forgive Me, Girl
by impulsesbulky
Summary: A short oneshot set after the events of Watchmen. Adrian is in Karnak and with his utopia seemingly running smoothly, is there truly any lingering guilt that he has left? If he truly made himself feel every death, there is one that he perhaps feels the most. One that will always haunt him. (can be comicverse, but considered to lean heavy to movieverse)


Time was nearly immeasurable to him these days. It existed, it was there, and it passed, but beyond that Adrian Veidt payed little attention to it. Days? Weeks? Months? _Years_? In truth, they were all one in the same. It didn't matter, not in the grand scheme of things and there was little point in him keeping track of it, nor for him to particularly care.

Since the others had left Karnak and the world went on after the blasts that he had triggered, his utopia was running. People were rebuilding and moving on and nuclear war was no longer an imminent threat to end the world. He'd done that much. Saved humanity from killing itself by tricking it and destroying millions to spare the lives of _billions_. How many children had been born now in the years that had past since the world was lead to believe that Dr. Manhattan had turned against it? Civilization went on and continued to grow just as he had known it would.

Repairs had been done to his retreat and home in Karnak. Shattered glass was cleaned and replaced, and he continued to run Veidt Enterprises from where he was. However, there was one thing that could not be replaced in his life — _Bubastis_. Her absence was everywhere and among all the lives he had ended and sacrificed to save the world from its own destruction against itself, hers was the life he missed the most. Hers was the death that weighed most heavy on his conscience like a boulder of guilt and burden that he would never be able to hoist up and rid himself of.

_Alone_. That's what he'd always been his whole life. Even his parents, when they'd been alive, had not been able to connect with him, love him, or allow him to connect with them on any emotional or physical level. Affection was not something he was all too accustomed to. From when he could first remember, he'd always been holding things back and hiding pieces of himself. He was different and nobody would ever fully understand him. Nobody would come to know who he truly was. He feared that and did not allow it. What he showed to the world was only what he _wanted_ them to see. Humanity, as a whole, was judgmental and he knew that just as well. It wasn't as if he was void of the concept. He knew he had his own tendency to hold himself on a higher pedestal than most, if not all, other human beings.

Still, there had been one creature that he did not hold himself back from. Only _one_ creature to know him completely, to never leave him, to never judge him, to loyally follow him, to understand him, to never question him, to love him, to be his constant companion and she was gone. Forgiveness was not enough to begin to _ever_ cover or excuse what he'd had to do. Sometimes, in the cold, dark of the night, alone in his bed, Adrian would wake from a nightmare and the last thing he would see was her face before he destroyed her.

Sacrifices had to be made. He knew that and understood that full and continued to remind himself of that very fact. He still forced himself to feel the heavy, unyielding weight of every death he had caused and that, in part, was why he remained isolated here in Karnak. He was away from civilization for the most part, except on the rare occasions he would travel back for business meetings and appearances that needed to be made, as well as keep him supplied in necessary things here.

Waking early one morning, the day's first sunlight not even visible yet, darkness still reigning, Adrian dressed. He went through the motions as he did every day and showered, groomed himself and began to dress in layers as he would if he were to be going outside. He shrugged into his coat, donning boots before the doors opened to a freezing gust of wind, huge, white chunks of snow blowing in that gust. Even in the dark, everything shone just a little bit brighter because every surface was coated in snow.

Adrian, without really thinking, walked the path he and Bubastis used to walk together when she'd come out with him. Blue-green eyes blinked in the cold, boots crunching the thick, white snow below him. The winds whistled hard, snow blowing more against him as he walked. The cold was brutal and he couldn't stay out for long, but he needed to be out here right now. Something had summoned him to walk this path at this hour, he just wasn't sure yet what that was. Nostalgia, perhaps?

Whatever it was, he followed and stopped, standing in the snow. Slowly blinking, he could almost make out the image of her running in the snow. He could almost hear her. In that moment, his hand reached up, fingers stretching and moving for something that was not there. He knew that in his head, but it had been an impulse.

Lowering his hand back to his side, Adrian turned his head just as a brutal gust of frigid wind slammed into him. It was enough, nearly, to take his breath away. In a way, it was almost invigorating. He left the path that his only friend would never walk again and continued back towards his home to warm himself by the fire.

"_Forgive me, girl..._"


End file.
